Where’s my little pea?

Here are two words that gave me two harrowing days: blighted ovum.

I thought I knew all that I needed to know about pregnancies. After all, I’ve been pregnant once and I had almost all the symptoms that could be had.

Well, except spotting. 

I woke up on Wednesday morning to some spotting. I’ve read that spotting is common in the early onset of pregnancy. But my spotting came with strands of mucus, and heck, pregnancy guides made no mention of mucus! So what do their presence mean?

It didn’t help that this pregnancy also came with occasional sharp pains in my lower abs, something new to me this time too.

I tried in vain to remain calm and “wait it out” as the nurse at KKH had suggested when Awesome Husband called to enquire in the morning.

By lunch time my heart was wretched and I just had to know what was happening.

So I checked myself into hospital and after five excruciating hours of waiting (and more spotting), the doctor saw me, gave me a transvaginal ultrasound, and then declared what I thought was a nightmare: “There is nothing in your sac.”

He then turned his screen to face me and I could see in the vast blackness of my insides, a tiny bubble. A tiny, empty bubble.

“What does that mean?” I asked him.

“It could mean that your baby is still too small to see, which shouldn’t be the case since you got your first scan and dating on August 1. Between then and now, it should have grown, but it hasn’t,” he said.

“Or it could mean that your baby didn’t form at all, only the sac did,” he went on.

And that’s how I learnt what a horrible thing a blighted ovum is. The bleeding I’m experiencing is a miscarriage.

It was a horrible news to receive.

My blood was taken after that to confirm the presence – or lack – of a growing baby. I was due to return on Friday for the results but my heart seemed to have given up all hope. I couldn’t erase from my mind the vision of the empty sac.

I didn’t go to work today. I had no mood to. All I wanted was to stay home and hug Titus, and comfort myself in the knowledge that at least I’ve been blessed with one jolly, loving child.

Meanwhile, the bleeding continued and this time with coin-size clots. 

Then, at about 9am, the hospital called me to come down as soon as I can for an urgent scan. 

I didn’t want to. It sounded ominous. How much more horrible can this be? Was the sac attached to a wrong part of me and a surgery is needed to remove it? Was the sac not a sac, but a cyst instead? Did the blood test pick up something worse?

But I went anyway and had an hour-long ultrasound with a very grim and silent sonographer. 

More hours of waiting ensued, along with an advice to not eat and drink in case a surgery is needed.

I was mentally prepared for a surgery today. 

And I was all ready for more bad news when the results were read to me. How can anything be good when the bleeding hasn’t stopped?

So when the doctor announced that the test has confirmed and dated my pregnancy at 5.2 weeks and the sac is located in the right place, and that it is still too early to get a visual on the embryo which is why the sac looked empty, I couldn’t believe my ears.

I made the doctor repeat herself and asked, “So this is good news then?”

She smiled and nodded.

What an emotional roller coaster! And I cannot be more thankful!

But the fact that I’m still bleeding is worrying and the doctor cannot explain why that is happening.

I’m now on hormone pills to “thicken my uterus and stop the bleeding”. 

Hope that will put the pregnancy on the right track.

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